Welcome to my story.
My story is one of an invisible struggle. A struggle that society says “shouldn’t” have been, but was. Everything in my life looked okay on the outside, but my internal reality, created from my internal dialogue, was far from “okay”. I was struggling, feeling chaos and emotional pain which impacted every area of my life. What I know to be true is that this internal dialogue not only impacted my life, but also made me unconsciously seek evidence to prove these false stories true. This, consequently, perpetuated very painful experiences for me. It was not until I became conscious of these internal stories that I was able to ultimately change them. Once I was able to change these internal and unconscious stories, I was free to actually live my life instead of responding to the limiting beliefs and false narratives I had created.
I used to exist in a state of constant discontentedness. I was looking for self-esteem and self-worth in areas I would have never found them, but was not yet conscious of this truth. Ironically, this behavior usually caused me more harm and it was a vicious cycle. I sought joy in food, which caused me to gain a lot of weight. This further perpetuated the cycle of low self-esteem I was in. I sought validation in relationships, but my beliefs caused me to seek relationships with people who were not loving nor respectful toward me. This, again, contributed to a cycle of low self-worth. I sought a feeling of elation and self-love in alcohol because I felt that when I drank I could experience the illusion of freedom that I so desperately wanted. Although I viewed these damaging patterns of my life as “not that bad” at the time, I eventually realized they were not helping me to create the life that I deeply knew I wanted and deserved. And so, in 2007, I chose to get sober. This was the catalyst of my healing journey.
Healing is not easy. Millions of Americans suffer from addictions to seek relief from emotional pain. Suffering is universal, however some of the ways we as humans cope causes more harm than good. This was true for me and it got to a point that I could not bear the weight of my own dysfunction any longer. Getting sober was hard, but the truth is that it would have been more difficult for me not to heal. The soul-crushing experience of not healing would have destroyed me. I would not have been able to handle the feeling of soul-death any longer, a deeply unfulfilling existence. My drive to create a better life for myself came from a deep awareness that it was possible to create something different.
I now see the pain I experienced as a gift. If I was comfortable, I wouldn’t have been driven to change anything. My pain was an invitation to a better life. My pain allowed me to be humble and open to something different. My pain allowed teachers to enter my life, who spoke to me at a time I was open to hearing what they had to say. I listened to these teacher, did the work, and completely transformed my life.
I will never claim that I am perfect, but I am proud to say I do not struggle like I used to. I am at peace. I have a beautiful life and it only continues to get better. I love myself. I take good care of myself. I surround myself with healthy and loving people who show me respect. I live passionately. I travel the world and I laugh often. I feel deeply aligned with my soul’s purpose to share my healing with the world. I know that transformation is possible. I have experienced it and feel that it is now my job to help others heal their lives.
I have a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology. I am an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist. I am a Life Mastery Coach. I am an experienced public speaker and have done multiple spiritual pilgrimages and silent meditation retreats. I have traveled the world by myself and live a really good life. Why? Because I believed it was possible to change and sought healing in every single way that I could. I will always strive to be a seeker of healing in order to better my life.